Brews you can use

Today was absolutely beautiful: sunny, about 50 (tropical in celsius, Minnesota-tropical in Fahrenheit), calm, but of course I spent pretty much all of it stuck inside at work. I did get to see the first sign of spring, though: today I saw the first pair of bicycling Mormons of the year. Yes, Mormons.

Mormon evangelists, in particular. I have bad memories of these folks from college. They would roam the campus, always in pairs, looking to corner someone and convert them to their religion. They were usually quite recognizable: two young cleanshaven well-groomed men wearing identical white shirts, black ties, black polished shoes, and black nametags. This stands out on a University campus (the well-groomed tie-wearing male population having dropped dramatically since 1957), and occasionally draws double-takes, even stares, which the evangelists latch onto as if “hey look, he’s wearing a tie” means “hey, come buttonhole me for the next hour talking about your religion!”

I once had a pair lock on to me — they reversed their course to follow me after I accidentally made eye contact. I tried to shake them by hurrying to my next class, but they also sped up. I ducked into the nearest building, and they followed. WTF? Finally I ducked into a bathroom, glancing over my shoulder. They followed me in, anyway. Holy shit, these guys are persistent. At least the stalls have doors that lock. I ducked into one, sat down, heard them walk around a bit, lose interest, and leave.

And these guys were on foot. I shudder to think what they could have done with the added mobility of bicycles…

I got back Friday from an anti-spam conference in San Francisco. Some highlights:

1. Sharing the second leg of my flight out with a certain infamous (supposedly ex-) spammer. I first recognised one of his employees, who could be played by Rob Schneider if they ever make “SPAM: the Movie.” They were, of course, going to the same conference as I was, but were much less well-received.
2. Staying in room number 1906. In San Francisco. I would have thought this room would be silently left off the floor plan, like they used to do with floor #13.
3. Feeling the need to say good things about the CIA, just in case there was a listening device in that thing.
4. Walking from Nob Hill to Lower Haight in search of beer, and finding that beer’s probably the least intoxicating substance served around there.
5. Meeting someone I’d chatted with and read on multiple online forums for about 10 years. I forget exactly what I said (something like: “oh… I’ve seen you around”), but I need to figure out the proper ettiqute for these situations. He reacted like I had produced his Stasi file…
6. Coming back home with a head full of ideas, somewhat depressed that 90% of them will probably never come to fruition, and taking a break as the plane descended into a cloud-covered MSP. So beautiful, so serene, so fractal. I was reminded of some of the imagery in Solaris (the book, certainly not the OS, and I really didn’t care for either movie…)